CHAPTER 18- "RELATIONSHIPS"
830. Emotional reactions have NOTHING TO DO WITH LOVE.
831. What often passes for LOVE in common human understanding
is primarily ATTACHMENT, DEPENDENCY, & POSSESSIVENESS.
832. Much of what we expierence in a relationship
is happening only in our IMAGINATION.
833. THE MOST NEGATIVE EMOTIONS are:
HATE, ANGER, RAGE, REVENGE, & VIOLENCE.
834. The underlying fantasy here is to eliminate, kill, DESTROY,
HURT, FRIGHTEN, & INTIMIDATE.
835. The other person's likely response is to AVOID US
OR TO HATE US IN RETURN.
836. Lesser forms of ANGER are CRITICALNESS, RESENTMENT,
& NEGATIVE JUDGMENTS ABOUT OTHERS.
837. The emotional purpose is to PUNISH OTHERS, (GUILT)
make them feel sorry, try to FORCE THEM TO CHANGE THEIR FEELINGS OR BEHAVIOR,
MAKE THEM SUFFER, get even with them (REVENGE), to DIMINISH & DEVALUE THEM.
838. This results in the other person's response of counter-criticism,
counter-resentment, & avoidance.
839. Come up to the level of COURAGE & LOOK AT OUR WORST FEELINGS,
ADMIT that they are part of the condition of being human.
840. These NEGATIVE FEELINGS TAKE AN ENORMOUS EMOTIONAL TOLL
ON OUR OWN INNER SELVES.
841. WOMEN in our society are MORE INTUITIVE than men.
842. The set of FEELINGS we hold about ANOTHER PERSON is MIRRORED BACK TO US
by their attitude about them. (Law of Reflection)
843. When we change our inner attitude about them, their attitude changes abruptly.
844. NEGATIVE FEELINGS boomerang back to us, & profoundly affect our relationships.
845. People who carry a lot of HATRED find that they are living
in a HATEFUL WORLD & that LOTS OF PEOPLE HATE THEM.
846. They see EXTERNAL SITUATIONS & the world as HATEFUL.
847. This entire situation is SELF-CREATED.
848. All of our ANGER & RESENTMENT are due to our PERCEPTION.
849. A Course In Miracles is based on that precise process of CHANGING OUR VIEW
OF A SITUATION by the WILLINGNESS TO SEE IT DIFFERENTLY & to BE FORGIVING.
850. LOWER FEELINGS have a LOWER VIBRATION FREQUENCY & lower power.
851. LOWER ENERGY STATE: ANGER, HATE, VIOLENCE, GUILT, JEALOUSY,
We are PSYCHICALLY VULNERABLE to the other person.
852. GRATITUDE & LOVING KINDNESS have a much HIGHER ENERGY & GREATER POWER.
853. When we are in a state of ANGER, we are VULNERABLE TO THE ENERGY DEPLETION
brought about by the other person's counter-anger.
854. "HATE IS CONQUERED BY LOVE." -BUDDHA
855. GUILT: To elicit PUNISHMENT from another person, combined with SELF-PUNISHMENT.
856. If we HOLD IN MIND that WE ARE SMALL & UNWORTHY,
we elicit those kinds of responses from others.
857. POVERTY comes from INNER POVERTY,
OUTER WEALTH comes from INNER WEALTH.
858. If we want others to stop attacking us,
the ANSWER IS TO BEGIN LETTING GO OF GUILT.
859. The feelings of APATHY, GRIEF, DEPRESSION, SORROW, SELF-PITY,
HOPELESSNESS, & HELPLESSNESS come from the INNER PROGRAM of "I Can't."
860. AVOIDANCE is because of the HUGE ENERGY DEMAND
that we are making on the other person.
861. Constant GRIEF will drive others away.
862. The energy of FEAR generates an INNER FOCUS on all the NEGATIVE THINGS
that could happen, & that FOCUS can coalesce the appearance of the VERY EVENTS
that WE FEAR THE MOST.
863. FEAR IN RELATIONSHIPS, is GIVING AWAY OUR POWER TO ANOTHER PERSON.
864. The WAY OUT is to LOOK AT THE FEELINGS & begin to RELINQUISH THEM.
865. In a RELATIONSHIP in which we are expierencing FEAR, the FEAR is that the
OTHER PERSON WILL RETALIATE AGAINST THE ANGER. When we RELINQUISH
THE ANGER, FEAR WILL AUTOMATICALLY DISAPPEAR.
866. The INSECURE PERSON is FEARFUL & prone to JEALOUSY, CLINGING, POSSESSIVENESS,
& ATTACHMENT in relationships, an approach that always brings FRUSTRATION.
867. The other person, NOW FEELING PRESSURED by our ENERGY OF DEPENDENCY
& POSSESSIVENESS, has an INNER IMPULSE TO RUN for freedom.
868. People INTUITIVELY pick up our wish to CONTROL THEM, their response is to RESIST.
869. To get people to stop RESISTING US, we must LET GO of INNER FEARS as they come up.
870. Feelings of PRIDE often take the form of PERFECTIONISM, (PERFECT BODY)
Dependability, workaholism, EXCESSIVE AMBITION, ARROGANCE, & VANITY.
871. There is the BELIEF, often UNCONSCIOUS,
that we can ELICIT A CERTAIN RESPONSE FROM GOD.
872. We are MOTIVATED by INNER HUMILITY & GRATITUDE.
873. ALL NEGATIVE FEELINGS ARE FEAR. Fear of Loss & Loss of Security.
874. Their BEHAVIOR toward us reveals that they know
our INNER ATTITUDE & FEELINGS towards them.
875. Even the few who are ENLIGHTENED had an EGO
at one time before it was FINALLY TRANSCENDED.
876. What are we willing to do for someone who has INTIMIDATED US.
We give them as little as possible.
877. INTIMIDATORS SOW THEIR OWN DESTRUCTION.
878. If we have difficulty in relinquishing a feeling,
it helps merely to look at the intent of that feeling.
879. On the level of ACCEPTANCE, we forgive our partner
when we see a passing JEALOUSY or REACTIVITY.
880. HIGHER STATES OF CONSCIOUSNESS have a profound effect on our RELATIONSHIPS.
881. Like goes to like. (Law of Attraction)
882. The replacement of a NEGATIVE FEELING by a HIGHER ONE accounts
for the MANY MIRACLES one can expierence in the course of their lifetime.
883. As we SURRENDER, LIFE BECOMES MORE & MORE EFFORTLESS.
884. We STOP LOOKING "OUT THERE" for what we now expierence
as coming from within ourselves.
885. Others now seek to be with us, instead of AVOIDING US.
886. Scrooge expierenced the PLEASURE OF GIVING instead of LOOKING TO GET FROM OTHERS. The JOY of that TRANSFORMATION IS AVAILABLE to us all.
887. VERY IMMATURE MAN: DEMANDING, PARANOID, HATEFUL with his THREATS.
888. When we put PRESSURE ON OTHER PEOPLE in order to GET WHAT WE WANT,
They automatically RESIST. The harder we PUSH, the harder they RESIST.
889. If boy decides to WITHDRAW, the girl now wants him.
890. It is OUR RESPONSIBILITY to make an EFFORT,
but NOT TRY TO DETERMINE THE RESULT about what we want.
891. LET GO OF THE PRESSURES of EXPECTATION & DESIRE.
892. The Law of Karma says "YOU GET WHAT YOU GIVE,"
or "YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW."
893. We BLOCK RECEIVING by our EXPECTATIONS or RESENTMENTS of them.
894. It is VERY EFFECTIVE to SURRENDER OUR EXPECTATIONS
before we enter into a SITUATION.
895. The way to facilitate satisfaction in relationships
is to PICTURE (VISUALIZE) the best possible OUTCOME.
896. If we are really SURRENDERED we feel okay either way.
897. SURRENDERED DOES NOT MEAN TO BE PASSIVE.
898. When SURRENDERED, there is NO PRESSURE OF TIME.
899. FRUSTRATION comes from WANTING SOMETHING NOW.
900. PATIENCE is a side effect of LETTING GO.
901. PATIENT PEOPLE USUALLY GET WHAT THEY WANT IN THE END.
902. When we SURRENDER THE PRESSURE of WANTINGNESS,
we are CLEAR to make WISER CHOICES.
903. We think our HAPPINESS depends on CONTROLLING EVENTS.
904. The power we give them is due to our attitude of ACCEPTANCE
or NON-ACCEPTANCE & our overall FEELING STATE.
905. SEXUAL EXPIERENCE is determined by
our overall LEVEL OF AWARENESS & INNER FREEDOM.
906. When we are SURRENDERED, we are NOT RUN by the desire for the ORGASM.
907. "I used to have sex on my mind all the time." a man said.
908. He shifted from being self-centered to being people-centered.
909. "I am more concered about them instead of myself. I was just using them
for my own selfish needs. Now I really care about their happiness."
910. When we are SELF-CENTERED & FOCUSED on getting PHYSICAL PLEASURE
FROM SEX with another person, we feel ANGRY, FRUSTRATED, & DEPRIVED.
911. THE MORE LOVING WE BECOME, THE MORE WE WILL RECEIVE FROM OTHERS.
912. She LET GO OF FEELINGS like "WANTING ATTENTION" & ACCEPTANCE FROM OTHERS,
fear of expressing herself, fear of BEING REJECTED, & even the fear of being DEEPLY LOVED.
913. Within a week of SURRENDERING THESE FEELINGS, she had a date.
914. Instead of FEELING DESPERATE to get ATTENTION & LOVE,
I know I have the power to give it!
915. I used to scare people away because I was so hungry. (Neediness, Attached, Clingy)
916. SEXUALITY, reflects our overall STATE OF CONSCIOUSNESS.
917. As we LET GO of FEAR, that area of our life expands, yet it is not necessary for happiness.
918. FREEDOM & CREATIVITY replace COMPULSIVENESS & LIMITATION.
919. SELF-CENTERED DRIVENNESS for relief from TENSION.
920. THE SECRET is the AWARENESS when we seek to GIVE instead of to GET.
